Stay Curious

“I want you to stay curious. You don’t have Me figured out.”

Over the past few years, Kari Jobe has become one of my favorite worship leaders. Not just because she is an incredible singer, which she is. Or that her clothes make me happy. Or that when she leads as a very very pregnant lady her belly touches her mic stand. But because she simply seems so spirit lead and worships in such a passionate way. I was listening to an interview with her once and she was talking about the time she simply felt God speak that first line to her. “I want you to stay curious. You don’t have Me figured out.”

I have been very quiet on here lately. Not because I’ve had nothing to say. Maybe because I’ve had too much to say. (Forgive all my grammatical errors and sentence structure as I vent.) I’ve realized over the past month even more so than normal…I hate confrontation so much that I’d almost rather be silent than say something that would cause someone fire back with criticism. I’ve realized I do not want to appear to be judgmental, but feel like there is SO much that’s wrong with what’s happening these days that I’d rather live peaceably and not say anything than to address it and possibly have confrontation because of it. (But then…here I am posting this.) I’ve realized my very very short stint of doing mission work overseas has affected the way I see things happening in the church here today…the way we take things for granted…and are so nonchalant about so much.

I am so bothered by my pride and have spent a lot of time asking God recently to strip that from me because I realize how wretched that is. I am so bothered by the fact that I don’t uphold Ephesians 4:29 that says, “let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. ” How many times have I spoken harshly to my kids just this week? And we justify it for each other.

We get swept up in books that are labeled “Christian,” but are about our own success, how we are in control, how we have the power to do whatever we want…and I think man if so many of these people drooling over these books who claim to be Christians would actually read the bible they would know that that simply doesn’t line up. My favorite…John Crist has a video out about women’s graphic tees that brag about how weak we are. “Namaste in beeeedddd.” “But first cooofffffffeeeee.” “I don’t exist before 10AM.” “I can’t adult today.” “Feed me tacos and tell me I’m pretty.” Yes these are hilarious. I love the sarcasm…but the part that gets me is how we are engulfed in our weakness rather than standing in the power and strength that God gives us and it’s become such a trend to joke about our weakness. I’m bothered by the fact that so many people claim to be a believer, but live a life that looks nothing of the sort. And I’m bother by the fact that I spend signifacntly more time watching Netflix and scrolling on Facebook than I do reading the bible or praying.

No, I don’t believe it is our works that get us to heaven, but as a believer our lives should reflect Jesus. We should bear fruit that will last (John 15:16).

What if we believed God was real…and acted like it?

This semester I’ve been teaching a study by Jennie Allen, called Chase and at one point she asks this question. It hit me like a bag of rocks right in the gut. So many of us claim to believe God is real, but nothing changes in our lives.

What if we took it seriously when the word says go make disciples. When it says, be set apart from the rest of the world. When it says, be holy for I am holy. When it says, for if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, (Hebrews 10:26). When it says, put to death that which is earthly. Set your mind on things above not on things on the earth (Colossians 3). Yes, there is love which God gives abundantly. But there is wrath as well and we can’t shy away from the truth of that just because talking about the love side is much easier to swallow.

We are spoon fed. Everything is at our fingertips. Why did I stop memorizing scripture in college? Because google gives me anything I need in a split second. Why don’t I spend as much time in the word and in prayer as I used to? Because I have kids and Netflix and spend 3 hours and 6 minutes a week scrolling on Facebook looking at the things that frustrate me.

Growing up in church and hearing sermon after sermon and reading the bible over and over…somewhere along the way I became proud. Why? Because I did. I don’t know…and I hate it.

I’ve been beyond blessed to get to serve at a campus ministry in a more specific way the past semester. But, God has rewired some things in me recently that desperately needed to be addressed. I have been able to watch a couple lead who has been working in campus ministry for just under 30 years. In watching them I realize…I have absolutely nothing figured out. In diving back into the word in a more intimate way I am reminded…I have absolutely no room to be proud about anything. Because apart from Christ’s righteousness, my attempted good works are nothing.

Each time I’m able to get watch them lead. Each time I work with these students. Each time I’ve been picking up my bible here lately I am reminded to stay curious…because I have so very little figured out.